One of my beautiful klasmyt FRIAH write this 4 years ago.....

Silent Screams …..

September 27, 2008 by mai

i left the place at around 4 am…i didn’t even get to say goodbye to my friends…i wasn’t in a hurry to leave…if only i could stay much longer…if only i could stay and stretch every damned second just to be with you ..even in a distance ( they’re right..The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can’t have them )….but i have to let you go … no…… i have to give up on you…because it’s the right thing to do…
you know me…but i don’t exist in your world…you became my…phantom…you steal my life away with every thoughts of you…no…it’s not your fault…i let it happen…i let myself fall… jump off the cliff knowing the fact that there’s nothing down there but pain and death…stupid me…the truth was…i thought you’d catch me..but you didn’t..coz somebody else jumped ahead of me and your hands were too busy holding her hands, your eyes were fixed in her smile and your heart was already beating in synchrony with hers…too bad and too late for me…
time…
and so it’s time for me to go…i looked at you …i said thank you…but i meant goodbye…i guess i was smiling at you…but deep inside i was drowning with my own tears…i wish i could stop the time…and tell you the things i want you to hear…but you look past through me…as if m not there…i sighed silently…
“the bus!!!”you shouted..i looked at you as if i don’t understand what you’re saying…… you said “the bus”…and then something else…but i didn’t hear… my heart wants to stop beating… i wish it would stop…i wished and wished…but it didn’t… it’s deafening.. i wanted to you to stop it..begging you stop it…i was talking to you inside my head…
reality bites..
ah yes..the bus..m supposed to be going home…but i’m home already..i laughed silently at the expense of myself…i need to wake up…stop fooling around.
i said something to you but i don’t know what is it, i could only hear myself mumbling, forcing myself to utter some words….i look at the bus…been waiting for a while… clock was ticking fast, time is always against me, darn it…i signaled wait to the man in the bus…i looked at you again…wishing you’d say the words i want to hear…but i know you have nothing to say at all…i smiled again…waved my hand…said thank you which i really meant goodbye…i turned my back and ran to the bus…wishing i was running towards you…
“city?”…asked the man at the entrance door( or exit)…just nodded…m speecless and m still thinking about you…i looked to where you are for the last time….i smiled again, you’re still there… for a moment I’ve seen a glimpse of hope… was it hope?…there’s no hope…hope sounds like a painful word…i smiled again…and waved goodbye…entered the bus and took a sit.
i said my last goodbye…but i knew you didn’t hear me…coz m talking to you…only in my thoughts…
i heard the door closed with a hissing sound… then the bus started to move…
tried to make myself comfortable…i’m alone again i thought.
alone and hurting and i don’t know why…but i know how much…
i released a heavy sigh of relief and sadness…
relief because now i can cry all i want..sadness coz, this might be the last time m gonna see you…
it’s still dark…but the headlights allowed me to see the road ahead of me…it’s long and winding……it’s like life…what is life?…
i need to run away…i need to be free…
daybreak…
and again i watched the sun creeps the horizon, slowly, in a menacing fashion…the blinding sun rays forcibly closed my eyes into the oblivion of my deepest thoughts….
darkness…imperceptible sound of nothingness is all that i have…
every second is a history…every drop of my tear is a wasted gold…
i could only cry silently in anguish…i watched my tears fall into empty space, fall into life’s nameless place, i watched as it continued to fall all alone…
random thoughts:dreams, goals, mistakes, regrets, love, life…..
im lost…in this world i created…i don’t know where to start or where to go, if i should just give up, or fight till my last breath…if only…if only it were so simple to cruise through life…but i can only dream about it…dreams sustain us through life’s madness…goals gives us some reason to reach the finish line….yet they’re amenable to change with every step we take in a road we chose to follow…and…they remain elusive throughout life’s journey…
every now and then, we make mistakes….and regrets are our luggage…it’s our choice to carry it with us to slow as down day by dragging day…or let go, leave it where it should belong…in our past…but not forgetting the lessons we’ve cultivated from it….
love….
that’s my sister…:) my wicked sister:))
ok…
love…what is love?
love is…..bitter….pait sa bisaya.
love fills me up…only to starve me…absorbs the energy out me…leaving me crippled with grief….is love supposed to hurt?…
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dots…more dots…( empty thoughts that’s what i mean)
mata na ! mata!(wake up)!..i heard the man shouted…
i didn’t sleep but yes…it’s time to wake up…
i opened my eyes…wishing you’re beside me…haha…funny…i need to wake up!
a bitter smile…
i know you’ll be alright…
the tear is hot and with one quick sweep it falls…i wonder why…
sunlight….
has now permanently marked by the impending malice of clouds…
i am just a mere memory to you now…
this is not how it should have been… no…
my heart is calling out your name…only to suffocate in disappointment to hear an empty sound of a voice, a voice that remained unanswered, a heart left to bleed…
you are so close…i can almost reach you but i can’t get to you…no matter how i try…why don’t you let me?…please let me hold you…
sadness and frustration is drowning me like a strong vortex pulling me down beneath the lonely waters…
silent screams…..
silent screams…..
of longing…
waiting…
waiting for undying love….